An open letter to Mayawati

Mayawati,

I wish I could have started my letter with Behan Mayawati or Mayawati ji considering your stature and age. But I am extremely sorry that my conscience is not allowing me to use those respectful words for you and I wouldn`t like to be a double faced either like your parliamentarian colleagues. However I would like to assure you that I won`t be disrespectful in this letter, I would be just a true adviser.
First of all I would like to clarify that I am not a BJP, Congress or Janata Party supporter. However I admire Narendra Modi JI for his development works, Subramanian Swamy JI for his courageous fight against corruption, Nitish Kumar JI for his love for Bihar, and Naveen Patnaik JI for his love for the poor. I am unable to hide my surprise that without any of these quaities you are chief minister of the most populus state of the country.
Well, I tried to uproot my surprise by watching news channels, you youtube videos, by reading articles about UP but as I read more I got more drenched in disgust and shock.

Below are few areas where you performed exceptionally well to receive such condemnation:-

Ridicule of Law and order:-
After doing all the research it seems to me that UP has become haven for rapists and corrupted people under your regime. Everyone seems to relish rape in UP, it has become fundamental right of your goons. While you are busy raping finacial and moral state of UP, Policemen and MLAs are busy raping women. Let me congratulate you that with all these untiring efforts of such nymphomaniacs, Uttar Pradesh performs exceptionally well in sexual harassment on women and specifically on dalit girls. I just can`t imagine your apathy towards these raped dalit women and sympathy towards devils who perform such heinous acts.

I remember, you won the last elections promising to improve the law and order situation in the state, accusing the then chief minister Mulayam Singh of protecting criminals and the corrupt.
But unfortunately statistics are intended to malign your vows and spotless image. According to 2009 report of National crime record bureau, Uttar Pradesh reported the highest police complaints, kidnapping & abduction cases, and murder or attempt to murder cases accounting for 38.1% (25,16,328 out of 66,03,974), 19.4% (6083 out of 31,238), and 14.2% (4534 out of 31,728) respectively. Surprisingly UP also stood second highest on atrocities on SC/ST accounting for 21.2% of total cases in India (2556 out of 12048). I thought you loved SC/ST/OBC and dalits.
You also need to be happy on your state`s excellent performance in fake encounters. According to the sources, over the period of last three years NHRC received complaints that 111 people were killed by security forces in Uttar Pradesh in alleged fake encounters.

I know you would also be happy to know that you are such a benevolent CM of the country that more than 3.5 lacs Bangladeshi immigrants are safely staying in UP, majority of them even managed to procure electoral photo identity cards and ration cards.
Your sympathy with crime is such that many terrorists are receiving shelter in Azamgarh and other cities of Uttar Pradesh to execute their noble activities.

To make the law and order situation worse coal mafias and rackets are forming strategic alliance with politiicians and businessmen to gain the supremacy. In the process they are not only extorting money from industry related people but also firing shots at competitors. On the other hand, Power theft is thought to account for as much as 40 percent of available electricity supply in many districts in Uttar Pradesh. CAG reports indicate as many as 8,905 cases of financial bungling in the department of energy over a period of two years. Consequently, collective effects of these crimes and corruption cases leave your state and people in acute power crisis and instead of taking corrective actions against such criminals you are busy in tug-of-war with center over coal allotment in the power plants.

Sorry state of basic infrastructure, forget about the developments :-

Government hospitals, which used to be the only friends of poor are also engulfed in corruption and mismanagement in Uttar Pradesh. A report prepared by the state health directorate claims that 140 surgeons posted in various governments hospitals have not performed a single surgery in last three months of year 2010 against the target of performing 50 surgeries a month. Hospitals are also facing a desperate need of doctors but qualified doctors are not willing to join them. The state health department had advertised for 5,511 posts of doctors last year, out of which, only 1000 doctors joined the services. Your government knows better how to run hospitals without doctors and operations.

Competing with politicians, senior officials of Department of Family Welfare are also trying hard to topple the corruption list. Three senior officials were chargesheeted for alleged irregularities in awarding contracts to Uttar Pradesh Small Industries Corporation Limited (UPSICL) under the National Rural Health Mission (NRHM). More worrying, NRHM is already facing heat over a scam under which thousands of NRHM officials in UP laundered Rs.3,700 crore the state received from the Centre under the scheme to improve healthcare for the poor and over three mysterious murders.

On the other hand school health programme started in BJP era is also crying for immediate attention and support. Neither the state health department is following its outlined work, nor the health report of the school children in the state is available. Your state also performs worst in the first-ever district level health survey which generates deep concerns on birth rate, infant mortality rate, maternity mortality rate in Uttar Pradesh.

Farmers in India are in state of dismay and misery due to apathy of rain Gods but in Uttar Pradesh farmers` despair is becoming incessant due to cruelty of earthy devils. To add a feather in your crown of achievements, your money mongering real estate friends and your loyalty towards them would soon make UP a land of suicides. Again congratulations for that !!
Due to mismanagement of Rs 7000 crore that you received from the center as special package, Bundelkhand farmers` condition remains as poor as it was . According to sources around 600 farmers committed suicide in last 6 months only in Bundelkhand. I can see blood stains on your shining diamond-studded tiaras.

I hope you could have learnt something from Bihar and Nitish Kumar Ji. Gone are the days when people used to take names of UP-Bihar together to talk about corruption, crime and poor conditions. Now when Bihar is busy in working towards a State Gross Domestic Product (SGDP) more than 11% , your state being most populous in the country is busy in reveling 6-7% SGDP. I would request you to spare some time from your statue making ritual and ask your MLAs and policemen to take a leave from killing and raping spree, so that you and your team can think about the development of Uttar Pradesh which has a per capita income of Rs.26,051 only, the second lowest in the country, against the national average of Rs.54,835. I would also suggest you to make the best utilization of that Rs. 47,000 crores given by planning commission in the development of the state and not in making statues or sandals.

Rampant corruption:-
It`s my pleasure to write a letter to a lady who knows how to institutionalize the corruption with competitive fealty payments to replacing shootouts. I read that just to run as a BSP parliamentary candidate costs roughly 250,000 dollars. . This excerpt from a leading newspapers,`` Those contacts that must deal with the government (which in state-centric India means nearly everyone) remarked on Mayawati's vice-like grip on all levers of power. All decisions must run through Mayawati or her very small coterie of advisors.`` really shows your capabilities to centralize the power and corruption.

Corruption was rampant in as many as 68 departments of the Uttar Pradesh government, the latest report of the Comptroller and Auditor General of India (CAG) has revealed.
According to the report, a total of 17,429 cases (in 2010) of glaring financial irregularities were detected over a period of two years. The report points out that the highest number of 8,905 cases of financial bungling was detected in the department of energy, followed by the housing sector, where 5,074 such cases were pending.

The 3700 crore National Rural Health Mission (NRHM) scam and three murders have left the state and country in shock but you haven`t solved that mystery yet. I can imagine the widespread jungle raj in your state that erstwhile enviable post of director of the National Rural Health Mission (NRHM) doesn`t attract a single IAS anymore. What would be the plight of common man in a land where not even IAS officers feel safe and secure ?

UP Lokayukta Justice N K Mehrotra went on the records admitting that Lokayukt in UP has less powers as compared to Lokayukt in MP and Karnataka. He also admits that out of 9 recommendations which he made from 2006 to 2010, your government partially acted only on 2 and closed rest of the seven recommendations.

Culmination of ostentation and tyranny:-
Let me also thank you for enabling Uttar Pradesh and India to witness such unprecedentedly tyrannical incidents. Those incidents force me to call you a self-obsessed and unconcerned narcisist and to name your policemen, and MLAs (read goons) unworthy sycophants. Considering your mental state I can totally understand your love affair with diamond-studded tiaras, jewellery, garlands of currency notes, and ostentatious birthday celebrations. But this love has become so heinous that your puppet MLAs don`t even think twice before killing a citizen who refuses to give donation for your birthday celebration. Don`t you taste blood of poor in your birthday cakes?

I don`t know who are your advisers but believe me spending poor`s 2000 crores on statues and parks won`t make you immortal and exquisite but a true concern for poor would make you admirable.
Yesterday only I read about your lunatic obsession with sandals. I mean, how can you order a President medal winner chief security officer like DSP Padam Singh to clean your sandals? Worse than that how can you waste state`s Rs. one million in sending an empty jet to pick up a pair of sandals ? I am sure dying farmers` and raped women`s curse will soon turn your sandals into thorns.
A state where even highways are in extremely poor condition, you relish a private road from your residence to the office, which is cleaned immediately after your multiple vehicle convoy reaches its destination. I wish you see results of these in the next ballot counting.
Your tyranny and egomania doesn`t end here, you rarely speaks with the media and when you hold a press conference, questions are not allowed. More worrying, media people claim that the you have ordered taping of phones of not only civil servants but also journalists. Most civil servants now refuse to talk to the press. Reporters fear losing their jobs should they print anything negative about Mayawati. I hope you come out of your illusions and realize that you are not living in 1930-1940s with name Adolf Hitler.

I wish you could have learned a bit of simplicity from our Rashtrapita Gandhi ji. Sandals, statues, parks, diamonds don`t make one immortal, love for people and simplicity make one appreciable.
I would like to congratulate you that now world knows about your demented state. Recently US intelligence dispatch on Wikileaks called you "a first rate egomaniac” who runs the state “like a fiefdom”, and a "virtual paranoid dictator". The US Embassy cable goes on to say: "India has seen such political personalities before, and never failed to deal with them eventually at the ballot box.``

Last thing that I need to tell you is mend your and your MLAs` attitude, and start working, after that I would be the happiest person to call you Behan ji or Mayawati ji.

Your well-wisher,
Pankaj Gupta,
Boston, MA

Anna special

We Indians are so much family-oriented that even after getting stabbed incessantly, we haven`t kicked off this Nehru, pseudo-Gandhi family out of the country.

ये क्रांति अगर मांगे चिंगारी, खुद को बना लपट आग और धधका जाऊँगा !
राख तो यूँ भी होना ही है, मरके वतन के वास्ते सुकून तो थोडा पा जाऊँगा !!

In 1920s people blamed Rajas of 1857 for nurturing personal desires and for strengthening the British clench. In 2000s people blamed Nehru and Jinnah for bifurcating the country for personal ambitions. Make sure 2011 don`t become reason of 2050`s plight, we want to leave a cherish able legacy

क्यों ना नकार दू मैं उन विचारो को, जो कलम से विरह गीत लिखवाते है !
शर्मिंदा हूँ अपने ऐशो पे, जबकि देश के बुडे बुखे-प्यासे देश-गीत गाते है !!

Those who always criticized politicians and corruption for this pitiable condition of the country have an opportunity to justify their criticism and to take revenge. Act now so that future generations don`t tag us as indolent morons. This is the defining moment for the country! do or die, now or never, Anna Hazare or corruption .....

गर मेरी स्याही से पुत जाये कालिख, इस सत्ता की बेईमानी पे !
तो करदे खुदा मेरा रक्त स्याह और बना धमनियों को पिचकारी दे !!

Those who think that Indians can be divided and ruled on the basis of caste and language should now understand that there is only one Raj Thackery but millions of Anna Hazare. A 72- years old lad melted and blended billions of hearts in just 4 days... That`s India my dear :-) (On April 8th)

‎2050:- Sri Ram reincarnates to fight against corruption, Congree tries to malign his movement by terming him communal and BJP, RSS agent.

Indira and her dynasty adopted Gandhi surname for political benefits but couldn`t adopt Gandhian principles.

BJP, you used to be an answer sometime but you are also a question now. Your weakness is the reason why Congress does all the crookedness and comes in the power again & again...

‎`Rape of democracy` is the liberty enjoyed by wicked government in presence of an impotent opposition...

A weak government which can`t fight efficiently against armed Jihad, naxalism, maoism and other such anti-nation activities fights very efficiently against anti-corruption and peaceful satyagrah... Hail MMS and madam jee, I am hating you more....

We are sophisticated and class-conscious people, we are afraid to support Baba Ramdev. Our support to his cause may put some disdainful gazes on us... hail to us, keep supporting corruption, Congress, madam jee and her puppets

As many as 75 members of the current Lok Sabha are accused of serious crimes while, as a recent study has shown, someone charged with a serious crime has twice the victory rate in a Lok Sabha election compared to other candidates. - TOI

नरसिंह बन आये अन्ना, हाथो में भ्रष्टाचार का रक्त होगा !

गर मेरी स्याही से पुत जाये कालिख, इस सत्ता की बेईमानी पे !
करदे खुदा मेरा रक्त स्याह और बना धमनियों को पिचकारी दे !!

इस संध्या की बेला पे अब फिरसे हिरन्यकश्यप वध होगा,
नरसिंह बन आये अन्ना, हाथो में भ्रष्टाचार का रक्त होगा !
देश को लिए हाथों में जो सत्ताधारी आग से खेलने आये हैं ,
भूल चुके हैं किन्तु होलिका का ही हर युग में दहन होगा !

गर बन पाऊं मैं इंधन इस लपट में, बिठा मुझे भी चिंगारी पे !
करदे खुदा मेरा रक्त स्याह और बना धमनियों को पिचकारी दे !!

फिरसे एक ब्रहमचारी सोने के महलों को राख बनाएगा,
लपटें आग की उठेगी ऐसे कि रावन धू-धू कर जल जाएगा !
अब शूर्पनखा की नाक कटेगी तलवारों से तेज़ कलमों से ,
हर भारत-वंशी लिख राष्ट्र ह्रदय पे, रामेश्वरम नया बनाएगा !

गर बने मेरा ह्रदय पुल तो लिखदे भारत इसकी चारदीवारी पे !
करदे खुदा मेरा रक्त स्याह और बना धमनियों को पिचकारी दे !!

मृदंग बजेगा फिरसे, शिव तांडव में भ्रष्ट कुचला जाएगा ,
रक्तबीज अब ना उगेंगे, जिव्हा को रक्तपान कराया जायेगा !
बरसों गरीब बन नीलकंठ खामोश हलाहल निगलता आया है ,
अब इस विष में भ्रष्ट दानव की नाड़ियो को डुबोया जाएगा !

गर विष की बूंदे पड़ जाए कम, मुझे बदल विष की प्याली में !
करदे खुदा मेरा रक्त स्याह और बना धमनियों को पिचकारी दे !!

गर मेरी स्याही से पुत जाये कालिख, इस सत्ता की बेईमानी पे !
करदे खुदा मेरा रक्त स्याह और बना धमनियों को पिचकारी दे !!

मेरा राम मेरी नमाज !!

बचपन में सुनते थे अक्सर दादी माँ की बातों में !
यही झूठ पढ़ा था किताबों और कबीर के दोहों में !!
सबने कहा कि वो रोम-रोम में कुछ ऐसे समाया है !
दिल से खोजो तो पत्थरों में भी वही खुदाया है !!

हम तो नमाजी बने, जहाँ जहाँ पत्थर सर पे गिरे !
लहू के धब्बों में सना हर पाक संग दिखाई दिया !!
हमने तो कान लगाये रक्खा आरती-अजानों पे भी !
एक औपचारिकता के सिवा कुछ ना सुनाई दिया !!

टटोला गलियों में लावारिस बच्चों के आंसुओ को भी !
अँधेरे कल के सिवा कुछ भी तो ना दिखाई दिया !!
पीछे तो चला मैं नेताओं-समाज सुधारको के भी !
फसाद और नफरत ही तो बोती रही उनकी रेलिया !!

माथा टेका अक्सर हमने मोलवी- संतों के आगे भी !
साँसों में उनकी बू-ऐ-फरेब को ही तो महसूस किया !!
मंदर-मस्जिद की नीवों को लहू से भी सींचा बहुत !
दंगो में खून-ऐ-जिगर शर्मिंदा सा आँखों में उतर आया !!

फिर भी तुम कहते हो कि इश्वर रोम-रोम में समाया है !
मैंने तो हर जगह बुराई को ही हँसते पसरते पाया है !!
मैं फिर भी जिन्दा रह लूं उसके ना होने के अहसास में !
पर साथ होने के झूठे वादों से अब दिल घबराया है !!

मैं नहीं करता इनकार कि वो सृष्टि का रचनाकार है !
पर अब मैली हो चुकी इस रचना से उसे कहाँ प्यार है !!
और प्यार है, तो क्यों बनके पैगम्बर फिरसे नहीं आता !
राम बने या मोहम्मद, हमें रास्ता क्यों नहीं दिखाता !!

आके मुस्सल्लम हिंद की नब्जों में खूने-इश्क डाल ज़रा !
मजहबी हैवानियत को आग लगा, राख में ढाल ज़रा !!
मैं फिर बेसबर सा मंदर जाऊँगा अपने खुदा से मिलने !
पांचो वक़्त नमाज पढ़ूंगा बसाके मोहनी मूरत दिल में !!

संग्रह

बेवजह ख्वाइशो की बेड़िया टूटे तो रंज कैसा!
इससे बेहतर और क्या ही होता, हुआ जैसा !!

क्षणिक सुख का अंत गहरी सांस से होता है!

उखाड़ दो ये साँसे, छीन लो सीने में जो प्यास है !
मुझे मिलेगा सबब फिरसे कहने का `सब कुछ बकवास है` !!

आज भी तू मुझ में जिंदा है कहीं और मैं तुझ में फना होता जाता हूँ !
पर तू ग़म ना कर, हर एक आह पे और जवाँ होता जाता हूँ !!

सुनके बाते ज़माने की तुम यकीन-ए-मरासिम ज़ार-ज़ार किये जा रहे हो !
नजरो से तो गिरा ही दिया, अब अश्को में मेरी रूह भी डुबोये जा रहे हो !!

ना तेरा यार खुदा था ना तेरा प्यार खुदाई जैसा, फिर इंसानों से फरिश्तों से वफ़ा निभाता क्यूँ हैं !
हाथों की लकीरों में था शायद यही लिक्खा, होंठो पे शिकायत और आँखों में दरिया लाता क्यूँ हैं !!

दफ़न करदो साँसों को कि रूह को ज़रा सुकून मिले,
यूँ भी तो सिसक -२ के चलती है ग़म-ए-हिज़्र के साये तले !!

एक नज़्म लिखी और एहसास हुआ, गीलापन बाकी है स्याही में आज भी बहुत !!

सच तो ये है कि तुम आज भी जिंदा हो और मैं फिरसे फना हो गया हूँ !
और देखो मुझे कोई ग़म भी नहीं, लगता है फिरसे जवाँ हो गया हूँ !!

सच तो है कि वक़्त के इम्तेहान अभी और बाकी है,
पर ये कमबख्त रूह भी कहाँ हौंसलो से खाली है !

ललकार तो उत्तेजनाओ का सतही ज्वार मात्र है !
तलवार पे लगा रक्त ही सच्चे वीर का प्रमाण है !!

इशारों में जो इतने लब्ज़ ही होते, तो क्या दिलो-दिल जब्त ना होते !
ग़र तूने होंठों से कुछ कहा होता कभी, तो छालों से क्यूँ मेरे पावँ सख्त होते !!

यूँ मुस्कुराके जो मिलते हो हमसे, ज़रूर रंजिशे छिपाए बेठे हो सीने में कहीं !
ग़र मुहब्बत ही होती दिल में तो मुलाकातों पे आँखे ही ना छलक आती !!

इस रात की सुबह भी ज़रूर होगी .....

शुक्र है खुदा के बन्दों का जो उसे पत्थर की सूरत में मंदिरों में बिठाये रखते है !
कोई मिलता है इस जहां में हमसे भी मुस्कुराके, हम भी खूब वहम रखते है !!

साकी! मयखाने की बेदम शराबों से किसी और रिंद का जी बहला !
सुबोह-शाम उनकी नजरों से छलकते है मय के प्याले, मेरे आगे !!

पत्थरों! टकराना है मेरे सर से तो बेशक टकरा ही जाओ,
पर देखना इस मस्ती-ए-क़जा में अपना नमाज़ी ना गवां बेठो

जिन्दगी ! कहाँ लेके जा रही हो ??

कुछ पुराने दस्तावेज टटोले और जाना क्या खूब नज़्म लिखी थी बरसो पहले .....

आज भी गिरती है खिडकियों पे बारिश की बूंदे, तेरी छुअन पाने के इरादे से !
उदास सी पसर जाती है जमीं पे, बिलखती रहती है तेरी हथेलिया नहीं पाके !!

हर सुबह मिलता है सिरहाना गीला, मालुम नहीं इसकी क्या वजह है !
लगता है नमी ने मेरे साथ-2 इसके सीने में भी जगह बना ली है !!

देखना अपने सामान में, मेरे जीने की ख्वाइश तो नहीं ले गयी साथ अपने !
ढूंढा बहुत सब जगह, नहीं मिली, शायद मैं ही कही रखके भूल गया उसे !!

पहरों गली के नुक्कड़ को ताकते रहते है, घर के दरवाजे तेरे इंतज़ार में !
मैं तो थक गया इन्हें बहलाते- समझाते, अब तू ही समझा इन्हें आके !!

ये दीवारे कान लगाये रखती है, ना जाने क्या सुनने के लिए बेक़रार है !
नहीं जानता क्यों रोती है हर सावन में, तेरी आहटे भाती थी शायद इन्हें !!

खेर जाने दे, ये सब तो ऐसे ही दीवानों की तरह तुझे तलाशते रहते है !
इनके बिखरने के डर से तेरे जाने की खबर छिपाके रखी मैंने इनसे !!

वैसे मेरी फिक्र मत करना तू, तेरी जुदाई से बिल्कुल टूटा नहीं मैं !
कमबख्त रूह हौसलों से भरी है आज भी, बिल्कुल बिखरा नहीं मैं !!

Rejuvenated Love

Regularly coming to her colony & finding nothing except than a locked door & empty house had become my habit & fate.
In last 6 months, no day passed without this hap but I didn’t allow my hope of meeting her again to die. In this period, I called her, e-mailed her many times but didn’t get any response.

She was scheduled to return India on 16th Oct with a Doctor prefix and to invite me at her home on 17th Oct to introduce with her family. This was the plan made & told by her. After that, I didn’t hear anything from her.

That day, I left the colony with wrecked hopes & wretched soul. As, I came on the road & was about to cross it, I saw Kajari on the other side. I shouted her name excitedly. Voice was loud enough to distract people from their driving then how she didn’t hear it? I guess, my voice penetrated in her ears but she ignored it & paced her gait.
I ran on that side & again called her name. Finding me so near & unavoidable, she turned to me with a pale face & limped hello.
``Kajri! What happened to you? Why you are not picking my call? ``
`` Actually, I lost my cell phone and I guess you are calling me on that old number. ``
``But, why you tried to ignore me? I have to discuss an important thing with you. ``
`` Rahul, I am in hurry, could you please talk later? `` Want of release from my inquiry was clear from her words & expressions.
`` No, first tell me something. Where is Ritu? She called me when she was in US & about to leave for India. She is here from 16th of Oct. Right from then, I am trying to reach her. I called & mailed her thousands time; came to her house hundreds time but didn’t get any clue. You are her best friend. You must know about her whereabouts. Tell me, where & how is she? ``
`` I don’t know anything. Just forget her & let me go. `` She said these words & turned back to leave the place hastily.
`` You are lying to me, you couldn’t even muster enough courage to see in my eyes while saying last sentence. And what did you say; I should forget her, why? Tell me, what’s the matter? ``
`` You should forget her, because remembering & loving someone else’s wife is of no use & no ethics. `` She almost shouted with a tinge of pain in her voice.

Shock generated by her words was strong enough to suck my breath & consciousness. For a moment, I felt breathless & conscious less. A dark cloud of senselessness swallowed me & my hopes. I don’t know, when she kept her hand on my shoulder and started commiserating with me, `` Rahul, your love was destined to take this end & we have to accept it.
When she returned back to India in Oct, a guy called Arun approached her family. He told them about his passionate & seasoned love for her & proposed to marry her. He got a good reputable family & profile. Her family was quite convinced with that guy & pressurized Ritu to marry him.
She opposed them but finally surrendered in front of his & family’s pressure. Arun created enormous pressure from other high-profile people too. ``
``But, how can she do this to me? She was in love with me from last 7 goddamn years. We had seven beautiful years with each other`` I blubbered with streaming eyes & complaining words.
``This is not her fault; she resisted too much but couldn’t take it any longer due to pressure from every direction. That guy also wanted her badly. ``
`` I will kill that bastard. How he dared to snatch my love from me? I’ll shoot that dammit. `` My words, body everything were shivering from indignation.
``Hey, you can’t do that. Now she’s happily married with him & let them live their life. Just forget her & take a new path. ``
`` No, she loved me & she can’t be happy with anyone else except me. She became victim of ill-will of that guy. I’ll definitely kill that rascal for doing this to me. `` With every word my face was getting reddened.
``He didn’t force Ritu to marry her, he just persuaded her family to pressurize her for this marriage & final decision was taken by Ritu & her family. Why she should have married you, what you would have done for her? `` Kajari`s wavering support from Ritu to that guy was gradually increasing my insanity.
``I loved her. We were in relationship from last 7 goddamn years and you are asking why she should have married me. She still loves me & married that guy just because of his pressure. He is the only reason of this torment on me & my love. ``
``No one did anything wrong with you. You are the only reason of this affliction and failure in love. And what love you are talking about? Do hell with your love. What you have done in your life except showing a fake love to her? Saying `I love you` or holding hands is not love; achieving new heights in your love, making her feel proud is definition of true love. You couldn’t even find a single job after your graduation. While opting for Phd, she gave you time of 3 years to get settled & prove your worth to her parents. And you, useless moron couldn’t do anything constructive except squandering your time and being alcoholic in frustration. She tried to oppose her parents for 3 years but surrendered in the end after their emotional blackmailing and your incessant failures. You were never a perfect match for her. For heaven’s sake don’t talk about love. You never loved her truly from your heart, your failure is evidence of your betrayal with her faith of giving you 3 years. You always knew, just Rahul Misra is not deserved enough for her. You needed to be something for her but you could never get any motivation from her love & you didn’t put your best efforts to become deserved enough to get her. You just took her & her love in granted. Showing love is not enough to get respect & satisfaction in life; you need a good profile and earning for that and you are good for nothing. That guy, Arun is a very cultured & nice person. He is branch head of ICICI bank and earning good bucks & reputation. He was also in love with Ritu from a log time & approached her parents when he was deserved enough. I always used to suspect Ritu`s decision of accepting you as her love but now, I can say that she was totally unconscious & blind in your love. But, she got her senses & life back; she is on right track & relishing her married life with Arun. If you ever loved her truly then just let her live unperturbed`` Dominance of profile & earning over love insinuated in her words was increasing my restless & hate more.
`` No, she still loves me & I’ll get her free from that hell after killing that bastard. `` My eyes were full of blood & revenge. Kajari`s words were nauseating me rather than showing light.

I ran to my house to get the gun, Kajari was aware of the fact that I have a gun & can very well use that. She tried to stop me; pleaded me, but I lost all senses in vengeance & moved ahead after thrashing her on the ground.

I got the gun from home & checked bullets in it. All six were on the right place. Then, I had to find out the office of that guy. I checked telephone directory of the city & got list of all ICICI branches in the city.
After trying lots of numbers, I dialed in SEEPZ, Andheri (E) branch and, ``ICICI SEEPZ, Andheri branch, How can I help you sir? `` Voice came from the other side.
I pretended to be very calm on the phone, `` Can I speak to Branch Head, Mr. Arun Arya? ``
``May I know, who is on the phone & what’s the matter?``
`` Whether he is in the office or not?``
``Yes, he is in the office, but....``
I thrashed the phone out of joy without listening more words and headed to the main road to take an auto.

`` It is just 2-3 Kms away from home & I will be there in maximum 15 minutes. 15 minutes......and that son of a bitch will bathe in his own blood. `` I visualized every possible scene that can happen after my entrance in his office. This 15 minutes duration was becoming unbearable to me & I was continuously poking Auto-wala to drive fast. He was able to fathom lunacy in my words & eyes & speeding his auto on each restless punch on the seat.
As, we were about to ascend on the fly-over, suddenly a scooter came from the left side & below the fly over. Auto wala hastily diverted his auto in the right to avoid the head on collision with scooter and this sudden diversion of auto caused a high confusion in vehicle coming next. A car that was just after us & coming in high speed became victim of this confusion & that car- driver took a sudden right turn to save us from back - collision by his car & threw himself in the divider.
As Auto-wala got off from the auto to see that person, I too followed him to command him & get back in the auto.
All of sudden, I glanced at the person, who was driving the car just behind us & thrashed himself in the divider to save us. His limbs were full of blood & hands were joined in pleading, he was thoroughly wounded.
I don’t know, what happened to me at that moment. Few minutes ago, I left the house to leave someone dying but here I couldn’t see a person dying.
I wanted to move and take my revenge as soon as possible but innocent looks & helpless body of that person shackled my legs and I couldn’t move.
I don’t know why in that moment of insanity God was becoming so interested in testing the last remnants of humanity left in me and what forced me to outperform in it?
I lifted him with help of some on-lookers & threw in the auto & rushed to a nearest hospital.
His every limb was wounded & that was making my clothes full red in his blood. So weird it was? I wanted to see this red color on someone else’s body & now my own body was getting stained with this color though with an innocent’s blood.

After reaching hospital, I rushed to emergency & nursing staff immediately admitted him. I checked his pockets to get information about him & fill the required forms but couldn’t get anything except a mobile.
Meanwhile I was checking his phone to inform his relatives, doctor started working on his wounds.
I called a contact saying papa, `` Hello.......`` a long pause.
``Runi beta.......`` a long pause.
``Sir, I am Rahul Misra........`` pause, `` your son met an accident & I brought him to Holy Spirit hospital in Andheri East. ``
A long sigh from other side then, `` How is he? Is he okay? ``
``Yes sir, He is perfectly fine. It was just a minor accident. Be calm & come as soon as possible. `` I cut the phone with this lie.
I knew, this accident is not minor & can consume this guy but I couldn’t say truth to that old man.

``Mr. Rahul, he can have a major injury in head & fracture in both legs. He lost a huge amount of blood & we need blood immediately. We got some blood from blood bank, but that’s not enough as this guy is B- and that is very difficult to find. Do you know anyone, who is B- & can donate blood to him immediately?``
I couldn’t understand why God was enforcing all humanity tests on me in a single day and; why I was trying to do best in each test. I was B- and didn’t lie to doctor.

He examined all required parameters & in few minutes I was on a bed next to him transferring my revengeful blood in his veins. I gave a bit more than specified amount because he was in real danger.
After that, I went to canteen to have some food & relax my strained nerves with a cigarette.
When I returned back, his family was there & with him in his room. I could hear their snivel. I remained outside the room & sat on the chair.
``papa, he is getting consciousness`` I overheard a panicked voice of a lady.
``Runi, how it happened? Are you okay? Why this happened to you? I love you so much.......If anything happens to you, I would not be able to live.
Papa! See, he is not talking to me. I want to hear his voice.
Runi! this life would not be worth living without you. Please, talk to me Runi, I want to hear you. `` I was overhearing same panicked voice with some sighs & whimper in between the words.
`` Dear, how can I leave you? I promised a life -time betrothal & desired for more than that. You don’t worry; I’ll be fine & with you forever. `` Runi was trying to console her worried wife.

Their conversation reminded me my accident & Ritu`s visit in hospital & this lovely couple moved me deeply. Intensity of their love caused some water drops in my eyes.
When a person loses his love, he prays for longevity of other’s love. I forgot that blood- thirst for some hour & started praying for their love.
`` I loved some one & lost her. I know how it feels after losing your love of life. Hey Almighty! This couple seems to be passionate in love. I lost my love but still able to breath but she will not be able to have a single breath after his demise. Please, don’t do anything wrong with them. Please, have mercy on these lovers`` I don’t know when my face got flooded with tear- stream while praying.

As, I turned back, an old man opened the door. He came near to me and hugged me overwhelmingly. While, he was hugged to me, Runi`s wife came out from the room. Having head lowered and wiping her tears, as she came a bit closer, I got petrified.
I felt a shivering wave in my whole body followed by a deep numbness. Thousands of ants would have felt unable to revoke my numbness at that moment. I couldn’t bear that shock and felt a hammering stroke in my head.
I guess that lady also felt same strokes in her mind and sensations in body.
She was Ritu & Kajari was holding her to support from these heart-breaking strokes.
Old man’s thanking word & blessings struck to a deaf soul & lost in that appalling atmosphere. As, he wiped his tears and left me, I felt a huge burden on my knees & their inability to support a burdened soul. Old man again supported me & helped to sit on the chair.
He brought a glass of water & offered me. I got a bit oxygen to revive my senses.
`` Are you feeling weak? Do you need some help? Are you okay? Are you fine Mr Rahul? `` Doctor had to ask many times to inquire about my condition.
`` Yes, I am fine. `` I murmured.

I don’t know whether they heard my voice or not, then `` this guy really became Messiah for your son. He brought your son in the hospital & did all formalities for him just like an elder brother. He even donated more than specified amount of blood to save your son. He is really a Messiah in human embodiment. `` While Doctor continued his eulogy, his father was sobbing & was about to fall on my feet in obligation. I helped him in sitting on chair.

As, I was leaving the hospital, Ritu came to me along with Kajari, `` I am sorry Rahul. `` And started crying with these words.
``Actually, she is not wrong. After our meeting, I rushed to her & told about our conversation. We were getting very horrifying thoughts for Arun & when uncle got call about his accident, we accused you of this. But, you were the life-saver not the destroyer`` Kajari confessed with lowered eyes.

I didn’t or probably couldn’t say any word & left the place with lots of wishes to her rejuvenated love.

``I wanted to release her from his trap but pleaded to God for longevity of this bond. She loves him. She is relishing her life with him. I am no more in her heart. She may respect me alot from now onwards, but I will gain this respect for some accidental reasons.
I am nowhere in her heart. Whatever place I got in her heart in last seven years, this guy captured it in this small period of time, because he deserved it.
She can’t love any undeserving guy; he is more deserving than me. `` My mind remained jam-packed with this type of thoughts till I reached to Nariman drive. My soul was still asking for revenge with wrong doer & wanted to shoot the culpable. I took my gun out and pointed it in the sky & shot Him six times. While shooting, I shrieked; I bawled but didn’t have any clemency on Him.
I took my revenge with the culprit & murdered some part of him. I threw my empty heart & gun in the sea. Though emptiness lightened them but sea swallowed everything along with my sins & love.

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